Tribalwars

Okay – I am again playing a bit of Tribalwars. That game consumed about 4 years of my life a million years back, but I have since then become a real hard-ass.

I applied to be in a tribe (since it is Tribalwars and all…) and was asked to fill out an application form. Okay – so here is my attempt:

**********

The below might offend you if you’re thin skinned, but if you read what I am saying, and understand that I am actually helping you in your application process which is really iffy, so, you’d actually want me in your tribe.

In the very least, I’d give you a good laugh before you crumple up my application paper and toss it into your hoop basket.

**********

-Any thing that doesn’t apply please put N/A. Please fill out the following using proper English:
[b]Define proper English. Discrimination is bad. Did you know that only 17% of the world speaks English in the world? Did you know that less than 0.04% of people on earth even attempt to speak proper English?

* Do they speak American English (Y’all have a good day now, y’hear!)
* Do they speak Australian English (G’day mate! Oi think TW is a great goime!)
* Do they speak South African English (Ja, no, well, maybe, fine. Let’s have a braai at my pad, my cuzzie!)
* Do they speak British English (I think your aggro application process is arse over face, my barmy friends)
* Do they speak Scottish English (Heid doon arse up, wi’ya)
* Do they speak Irish English (Paddy, I am goan’ for a shite. Yeah, I’m gonna go see Barry White)

Sure, they do, but is that proper English? Nope. Now ainn’t a beyotch? Just state “in English”? That should be enough to gauge whether the applicant can communicate with all you proper English Speakers out there.[/b]

1. List how much experience you have (example: 2 tears):
[b]4 years (been playing for 8 years total, but for 4 years I played very little, so I don’t really count that as experience. And that should be “years” not “tears”) ;-> I will be your personal proof reader.[/b]

2.If any, list specifically what experience you have in the following:

-Diplomacy:
[b]I run a business. Diplomacy is the game there. But so is not taking shit. I call a spade a spade when needed, and I am diplomatic when I have to be. I am probably not your guy for diplomatic peace of mind.[/b]

-Forum moderation:
[b]I am intermediary all day between fighting staff acting like kids, so I can moderate. Question is whether I want to moderate something else, but I will if need be.[/b]

-Managing attack and/or defense groups:
[b]Support packets? I can do that. Planning my own attacks for pin point landing times? I suck at it, as I refuse to set an alarm for 4am just to send an attack out to land in time 😉 My life is outside this game, mostly.[/b]

-Recruitment:
[b]Do you mean firing and hiring people? Yeah, I do that too. Maybe a little too well.[/b]

-Management of a tribe:
[b]Does managing a company help? I was in leadership in many tribes before. I am the guy they went to when Sylvester Stallone is considered to be a sissy. I say the things that need to be said. I get rid of the dead weight, even if that dead weight is myself.[/b]

3. Why do you want to join S.N.A?
[b]Because I am not good enough and dedicated enough to be in an elite tribe, due to having a very full life outside the game, and in an Academy tribe I can do most good. I am a good leader and teacher, I am always willing to impart knowledge, and I am friendly (sometimes…). I also usually don’t bite, except when filling out half-arsed application forms.[/b]

4. On average how many hours do you spend logged into TW per day?
[b]Hours? Hell! HELL NO! Let’s call that minutes, and we’ve got a deal. Approximately about 45 minutes. I think yesterday I spent 47.2 minutes, and I am already on 31.7 minutes filling out this application form.[/b]

5. Name ALL previous account usernames. Even ones that were from other worlds.
[b]Grock – World 2, Bliksem – Since World 2.[/b]

NOTES:
-Lack of experience does not automatically result in rejection. It is simply to gauge what we need to teach you.
[b]You could’ve fooled me.[/b]

-Application can take up to 24 (twenty-four) hours to review.
[b]It is the only sensical thing you’ve said all day. All good hires take time.[/b]

-Background checks WILL be performed. So do not lie.
[b]I hereby give you permission to do an MIE check on me. Criminal record, credit score, high school exam results, university degrees, the lot. Ha. Not. Grow up, folks – FFS![/b]

-ALL QUESTIONS MUST BE ANSWERED. NO EXCEPTIONS.
[b]Do you treat everyone like children though? If they do not answer the question, just ignore the application. do not tell them that “they will be punished if they leave a question out.” It is a game, folks, relax…[/b]

Shoes, beautiful shoes

Well, slap me with a wet noodle and call me George. This weekend for the first time, I experienced (and subsequently began to understand the tip of the iceberg regarding the experience) with women’s fascination with buying shoes.

So, she has five pairs of silver “pumps” (or whatever those are called)  and 4 red pairs, 6 black pairs and maybe some blue and green pairs. She has about 12 pairs of shoes with varying degree of heel lengths, and she has various pairs of flat shoes which all look generally the same to me. I guess the reason I never did or never made an attempt to is simply because I always bought functional, cheap shoes. So what! It is a shoe! It works. Why make a big fuss out of the experience and the event?

I stand corrected. This weekend, I bought two pairs of shoes. Buying shoes is not the new experience, but WHAT I bought is certainly a new experience. I generally buy two new pairs of shoes every 6 months or so, but this time, my wife was with me, and she showed me the entire experience from start to finish. The process of first finding shoes that you think fits your style or likes, then the process of fitting them to your feet. (Why would you fit your shoes? Don’t be ridiculous! You know you wear a number 9 shoe! Right?). WRONG! I actually found that a number 10 shoe is now more comfortable. As I am a 36 year old male, I believe that my feet aren’t growing anymore, so it could mean I have worn the wrong shoe size for the majority of my adult life.

So, I have two new pairs of shoes. Both pairs are 1 size larger than I usually buy, and they cost more than double what I usually pay for shoes. At first, I had mixed feelings. I could have used that money better! Maybe I should have bought some shares with it, or maybe a nice bean bag for the lounge.

But today, all those doubts are gone. I have spent the money wisely. I am wearing a pair of Bronx loafers that costs about R 500.00 for the pair, and fits like a dream. For my more formal attire, I will certainly enjoy my soft, luxurious leather boots from Woolworths.

Although I have enough shoes in these two pairs to last me at least six months, I am looking forward to going shoe shopping again!

A day in the life of a scammer…

So, I received a letter from a scammer. I thought I will toy with it a bit. I opened up a new e-mail account with no real information, and nothing linking my real life to the fake account, and decided to reply to the letter I have received. I have not yet had a reaction, but as and when the debacle unfolds, I will be sure to post some comments about it. But first, the letter.

 

Dear beloved,

Please read this mail with good faith because I  am writing it from my hospital bed with heavy tears in my eyes and great sorrow in my heart because my Doctor told me that I will die in less than two months time. Base on this I wish to transfer my wealth to you so that you can assist me in building a charity organisation, for the saints in helping orphans,  poor and needy people in some parties of the world especially kids Haiti and Africa as a debt I am paying to Allah which is my last wish because I grew up an orphan.

I am offering 20% to you, while 80% should be used judiciously on the charity project. The total amount in question is $2.5Million United States Dollars.

Please get back to me quickly.

Regards,
Mrs. Magda Bekker.

Okay, so I concocted a reply to this letter, in a hope to draw out the author, “Mrs. Bekker”. I made some obvious as well as some subtle hints about the fact that I know this is a scam, but I am hoping that this person’s grasp of the English vernacular is as low as his/her grammar skills, and would not pick up on these hints. Here is my reply:

Dear Mrs. Bekker,

I am “touched” by your letter. Truly so. No, really, I “mean” it!

I am sooooo-so-so-so sorry that you are going to die in 2 months time, but you know, all of us, our time comes one day or another, for some of us our time comes too late. 

In your case, the millions of dream “money” that you made in your life time will be well spent on all the “other” little orphans in Africa and Haiti who might have gotten hope from your “generosity” – if only they had internet access to read about your skit “heroics.” 

I am absolutely, irrevocably certain that your intentions are pure, and I “trust” you, because your letter was written with so much “heart-felt emotion” that I had really a lot of difficulty not to cry myself. I am absolutely “certain” that you have all the money you say you have, and can thus make the promises that you do. Wow, what a burlesque notion of concocted “philanthropy!”

You always hear things like “A fool and his money soon parts” and also “When money is scarce, friends are rare”. This is so true! You must have been VERY shrewd and secretive in your money making ventures during your life time, because nobody knew about all these “millions” that you have stashed away over the years. Poor soul. You must have worked day and night, because your attempt to contact me, a total stranger, to help you is so sad. If only you had real friends to help you distribute your “wealth”.

I am therefore offering my “devoted” help to you get rid of your unclaimed “millions”.

Tata ma chance! 🙂

William Jenkins

It would be quite interesting to see what unfolds here – if anything… Stay tuned!

My first hate mail and job offer…

Don’t you just love it when people show the signs of their poor upbringing and absolute lack of intelligence? Hehehe…

Well, I have just received my first hate mail. It goes like this…

Please contact Dick Dugler from Dick (TM) PTY LTD
Telephone number: 101111
E-mail address (as given): suck-my-d*ck@industries.net
Fax number (if provided): 101111
Subject: Job Offer
Body: Howz about you suck my erect p*nis? Faggot

Well, let’s see… First of all, he works at the police station, hence the number 10111 (LOL). However, this retarded “policeman” has problems counting. There are only 5 numbers in the police hotline, and only 4 of them are the digit 1. I guess he lost all his counting fingers when his inbred dog mistook them for frankfurters.

I have to say though – being able to register a domain such as industries.net for his personal hate mail needs certainly indicates that this “policeman” is very rich with lots of foreign investments, and he likes to travel quite a bit. It is evident from the fact that he owns a company called Network Solutions, which, from my knowledge gathering, is a Limited Liability Company web services provider located in the United States and is owned by General Atlantic, a large global growth investor company, who owns well over 50 companies (http://www.generalatlantic.com/en/companies/all). Looks at some of these companies! This is so impressive! It would be really ridiculous to believe that this man is anything less than a director of this group of companies! So – I have to say – I am very much impressed with the mettle of my retarded board member.

And would you believe! He is offering me a job! WOW! And nothing less that to suck his honorable erectness. Wow. Now all I can hope for is that I don’t need a tweezer to find it – I am so excited! But I believe he must be one of the “biggest” men around, you know, because, wow, nobody would advertise their manhood in his e-mail address if he was Stuart Little, right? Yeah – I wonder if I should accept.

… 4 hours passes …

Okay – now that the excitement and exhiliration is over, I have decided not to take his job offer. Not only did his e-mail address had a hard bounce, his mailer daemon responded with the following error message: “No such user: suck-my-d*ck”. So it means that this guy has been playing me! There is no job openings for personal d*ck suckers. I feel so wronged! *sigh*

Well, now that I am over the worst of the disappointment, I started to accept my fate. This person is actually sort of an idiot. Why do I say such fowl things about a prospective employer? Well, see, that’s simple: He has no d*ck to suck, which is evident from his bounced mail, and, well, he should’ve figured I am not his type, because his girlfriend likes me… 😉

My mom’s a b**ch

My mom’s a b**ch. The words uttered by a 12 year old on the forum of a popular game I sometimes play online, called TribalWars. He said this, because his mother would not pay for the fees of the game, so he had to play at a disadvantage to other kids whose parents did buy them the so-called “premium points”.

When told that his behavior was not good, here was his response: “I dont think you realize how young i actually am 😛 Im not old enough to have a Visa card or anything, my dad would buy it, he has bought it once but the bank shut his cards down because he stopped paying bills, and my mom would never ever spend money on a game… I would charge it to my cell but i dont want my dad to owe more money than he already does (My mom being what she is wouldnt by me or my brother cell phones, so my dad had to)”.

I have decided to buy myself premium points, because it just makes the game more manageable and it then takes up less time (which I do not have a whole lot of nowadays). Those with large game accounts without premium points can still play the game, but management of the account becomes tedious.

Now with the bit of history of the game out of the way, I responded to the post as follows:

==========

Hmmmm…

Adults usually have reasons that kids don’t know about for not allowing certain perks or benefits. The reason your dad stopped paying bills could be because he COULDN’T anymore, or because of poor financial control. It could be anything. Your mom, on the other hand, could refuse to do this due to your financial situation (or not, whatever – read on).

My mom raised 4 boys on her own, and she had a very small salary. When I got out of school, as I started working as a waiter to help my mother with little household expenses, not because I was forced to (she never asked a cent of me) but because I started to realize what things cost, and how she was suffering, and hiding it from us kids so that we wouldn’t worry.

We didn’t have cellphones or any luxuries. What we did have, though, was second-hand clothes, food, and a roof over our head. We didn’t want to understand that when we were young, when all the other kids had money for sweets and cold drinks during school breaks. But now that we’re all grown up, we realize exactly what my mom went through, as we have been through similar situations ourselves in our adult lives, albeit for different reasons, perhaps.

Now that I am an adult, I remember all the small things that my mother *did* which I did not notice when I was younger. On pay day, each of us got a small, cheap sweet. Something nice, just for us. Without fail. No exceptions. At that time it didn’t compare well to the stuff the other kids in school got, but now that I think back – she was a FRIGGIN’ AMAZING WOMAN! Even though we considered her a b**ch when we were kids…

So – next time you want to call your mom a b**ch, think about what I wrote here, and you may reconsider your thoughts. Whatever her reasons are for not giving you money, could be a serious reason that she is not telling you, to stop you from worrying.

What a surprise!

I am busy reading a wonderful compilation of ghost stories published by Readers’ Digest. Many of them are quite extraordinary (exuse the pun) but one stands out with its (semi-transparent) head and shoulders above the rest.

Jean Rhys’ short story, “I used to live here once” is a beautiful, well thought through story which captures the reader’s attention something fierce (boooo!)

Although it is semi predictable from the start, and also somewhat from the title of the story, that the narrator of the story is in fact the ghost (no scares here), I doubt that it was the intention of the author to hide this ghastly revelation to the reader. The great surprise comes later in the story, and the chilling cold that ghosts your own body when you realize what you have just read in these few pragraphs is absolutely spectacular.

Due to copyright infringement possibilities, I can not post the story here, but you can probably find it by searching for “Jean Rhys” and “I used to live here once” in Google. Enjoy!

Danger out of context

Ahhh, how easily people can start random panic! Shall I write a soap opera?

Thoughtless (or maybe that was not as thoughtless as I initially thought) propaganda can sometimes almost incite revolutions!

Take for example the big hype around Coca-Cola’s acidity. Yes, it DOES contain phosphoric (or some similar) acid, and yes, phosphoric acid does have a PH of around 1.1 or something when in pure form and in high concentration, but in Cola it is not in pure form, and the ratio, according to certain sources on the web (which could not be verified at the time of writing) is around 55%

So – that would make the pH of Coca-Cola around 2.3 or whatever, right? Yes, that is scary. Very scary. But did you know that stomach acid has an acidity somewhere between 1 and 2? That is almost double as acidic as the Coca-Cola you enjoy so much! And that is in your stomach 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, while the Coca-Cola moves through your digestive system rather quickly. Your stomach lining is made to handle that heavy acidity, so that your stomach acids, required for digesting your food, can be contained. Do you really think that a little bit of Coca-Cola, that stays only an hour or two max, will upset your stomach lining terribly?

Now – before I unleash the wrath of the millions of health fanatics all over the world (or at least of the few people who read my blog), let me just say that nothing that is done in excess is good for you. Be wise in what you eat and drink and be generally safe, and you should remain healthy, but honestly, before you think that your next glass of soda may kill you, or even your next cigarette may cause cancer, think whether you have this whole “I am going to die!!!12!!1!1!” theory completely out of context.

Personally, I don’t smoke. I drink very little alcohol, and I drink far less Coca-Cola than I used to, but I do not have any objection to responsible use of the vices that the extremist health freaks say will kill you 😉

Speed dating

I have recently (last night, in fact) attended my first speed dating event ever. It was a heck of a lot of fun. When I registered for the event, I was a bit skeptical, because I thought that all I would meet there would be a bunch of desperate or needy people. After doing some research at speed dating, I saw all these video clips of speed dating featuring the most gorgeous girls and the hunkiest men (I would presume…) and I thought Yeah, even gorgeous people would need new girlfriends or boyfriends from time to time! So that though was quickly squashed and my perception changed, so I prepared my thoughts for last night and off I went, all charged up and happy. I know those video clips were made to bring forth people’s best sides and were probably staged, but they sufficed to change my attitude about speed dating.

So – as I arrived at the venue about 30 minutes early (I had to travel about 80km, so rather be safe than sorry), I immediately loved the venue. The up-stairs parlour was perfect for the prupose of speed dating, as it was just big enough to taken about 20 people, was secluded, and could be separated from the rest of the venue quite easily. Now, on to the event…

The SmartDate hostess (Amy) and owner (Jenny) was there well ahead of time, and as we arrived, we were explained how the process works. Sounds easy and fun, so now we’re just waiting for everyone to arrive, so we can start. As the people arrive, I start to evaluate the ladies arriving, and checking out the competition for signs of nervousness and obvious signs of discomfort. None were. Everyone was smiling and laughing, and having a drink. Then the event started.

First up: Kate. Wat a nice lady. Not sure we will be 100% compatible, because of the way the conversation went – we have some htings in common, but some major differences, but it was really, really an amazing time. Definately someone to make friends with.

Second person I spoke to was Chantelle. She is working in the travel industry, and seems to be well-read. we have lots of things in common, and laughed a lot during our brief encounter. Definately some potential there, as far as I am concerned!

Next I spoke to Robyn. I was totally dumbfounded. She was spontaneous, beautiful, exciting and friendly, and didn’t seem nervous at all. She has style, and loves dancing, just as I do. BINGO!!! But we’ll see what the results of the event was. We can only get each others’ contact details if she feels the same, so let’s see.

Kathy is a teacher. Teaching small kids, and focusing a lot on the problem solving skills of these young future stars. We have had a decent 5 minute conversation about teaching and lecturing, and general cognition of people of all ages. The time was up too soon. I would definately want to talk to Kathy again.

Alice also works in the travel industry, and she travelled a lot. She values her friendships most of all, and that is why she will never leave South Africa. Seems to be a really nice person to get to know better. Time will tell 🙂

Yvain. Oh Yvain. Not only does she remind me of one of my favourite movies, Star Dust, but she was a heck of a lot of fun to talk to. Too bad we only had 5 minutes. She is working for an investment bank. Let’s see if we are matched up.

Next was Olga. Delightful lady to talk to, and just like me, not a morning person at all. We’ll be absolutely compatible as far as that is concerned. She was funny, yet knew when to be more serious, and I am sure if we had more time, we could’ve talked for hours.

Karen is involved with helping children. She only came for the social aspects of the event (a girls night out with her friends, Kate and Zasha), so no potential there for that particular reason, but we still had a lot of fun talking.

Zasha. Beautiful and interesting. Well-travelled, but now settling in South Africa. We had an interesting conversation, and I really think she and I will be able to connect on an emotional level, so, we’ll see.

Well, that ends the official part of event. Afterwards we went downstairs and had a drink or two and chatted with each other. I went back upstairs and chatted to Kathy and Robyn, together with one guy who was at the event, Ivan. We had an aire of mocking each other, and just goofily fooling around. This was quite a lot of intellectual stimulation, as we had to think of what to say to tease the other, but without offending them. What fun! So – my singular drink was finished, and I had to drive back home.

I will definately attend another event as soon as possible…!

Ghosts from the past

Just as E.’s face appeared to me in a dream shortly after I have met her, her face is now gone again. I have a weird dream that I have quite often. I can recall 6 times that I had this particular dream, always the same, except twice, both of them concerning E. The first one, I saw her face, as her back was turned to me, face sideways, and now, I had the dream again, again different, her body towards me, but as I reach her, she turns around, and vanishes. Here is the basic dream:

I dream I am walking in some serene and calm place, may be a tropical island. I see a topless woman standing in front of me, but her back is towards me. She seems familiar, but I can’t see her face. I see her long, straight, dark hair blowing in the wind. Usually when I get to the girl, I wake up, without seeing her face. Only when I met E., I realized where this dream comes from: it comes from one of my favourite Afrikaans songs, called “Droomvrou”, which means “Dream Woman”, and the words describe a woman standing with her back towards the man, but he feels he knows her, even though he never sees her face. Interesting how music can influence you so profoundly!

In E.’s case I saw her face clearly the first time I have dreamt this dream about her. The second time was actually completely different, though the same scenery. I had the following dream last night:

Again my serene and calm place. Again a woman standing in front of me. This time, her body is turned towards me, still naked, but the nudity is blurred. I walk towards her, and when I reach her, she turns around and vanishes.

I woke up startled, wondering what that meant, and after writing down the dream (scared I will forget it), it dawned on me what it meant, at least what I thought it meant. She is out of my life, and my soul is beginning to accept this fact. I have already given up on getting her back – I knew that was not going to happen, but I never gave up on getting a friendship going with her again (my previous blog posts will show just that…). Just about a week ago, I still posted about this friendship that I so desperately long for, as I feel we had a very special connection. I was still fired up about keeping the friendship alive.

But now it is done.

Suddenly it is all clear to me. Why be friends with someone who does not want to be your friend? Sometimes you REALLY have to cut your losses and move on. MOVE ON! That time has come for me. I am free.

Perhaps my planned career change has something to do with this new mindset – the thought of leaving the old behind and embrace the new. I am attempting to exchange the comfort zone of a fixed salary each month for a fluctuating income and being my own boss. If things go well, I will leave my day job by the end of December. My new venture starts 1st of September. So, just as I plan to leave the old job behind, I am leaving E. behind now. Deleting phone numbers and throwing out all memories and souvenirs that remind me of her. It is now her choice entirely to get over her grudge against me. E. is now a ghost from my past. But she is not a poltergeist. She is not haunting me anymore.

Until the next time…

Myku

What exactly is a myku? Difficult to define, as I can’t find a proper definition anywhere, but it is similar to a haiku, which is an ancient form of poetry. a myku has less restrictive rules and consists of 4 lines. I have recently stumbled upon http://www.mykuworld.com, a site where you write your short little poems. But, what makes this interesting is that each myku world consists of 5 x 5 squares. Someone starts with a single myku, and people can write their own myku in that particular world, based on the content of the starting myku. After one reaction, the next person can react to the original myku, or the second one, and so on, and in the end, it forms a whole storyboard, one myku extending another, complimenting each other. I have started to write some mykus and will post some of them here, together with some notes, where necessary, to explain my thinking process while I was writing the particular myku. Here goes:

 

 

On the subject of being missed:

Do I count? Will I be missed?
Will someone cry if I am dissed?
Will I resolve to solitude
Or will I excel in attitude?

NOTES:

Reading the first line may make you think of a suicide note, but that is not the case. The second line is the key. It deals with the loss of the one you love. If he/she dumps you, will you be missed? Do you silently fantasize that he or she will take you back; that external factors influenced the decision? Will you wait in solitude to find out? Or will you challenge with attitude and either ask directly, or move on with your life?

On the subject of “Living Life Large”:

A hollowbacked expression
“Live Life Largely”
A pronunciation anomaly,
“Live Life Lushly”

NOTES:

When a colleague of mine, who also has a strange English accent, said the first quote, I accidentally heard the second quote. This got me to thinking that living life large, such a hollowbacked expression, can be given new life by changing the word to lush. What does “Living Life Lushly” tell you about the person living it?

In response to: I stopped to bring flowers to your grave, but forgot that you are still alive

Forgotten friends are everywhere
Sad and fragile, they’re among us
Shattered feelings here and there
Everyone’s from someone else’s past

NOTES:

It’s too late to say goodbye when the person is no longer with us. Don’t forsake your friends…

On the topic of lost love and the lost friendship thereafter:

Hold no grudges
Deal with pain
Forgive, forget
All in vain

NOTES:

When breaking up there is seldom friendship after the fact. In most cases, friendship fades when the romance does. And the pain that you experience because of that is often worse than the pain of the romance lost.

On the topic of being egocentric:

Ego, the devil in us all
Explicit, the hatred in us all
Untold anger lurks inside
If you dare disturb Ego’s pride

NOTES:

Our ego is the devil, for sure. Pride, anger, sadness, misplaced superiority, inferiority, hate, intimidation, disintegration of the soul. The ego is damaging. Control it.