Okay – I am again playing a bit of Tribalwars. That game consumed about 4 years of my life a million years back, but I have since then become a real hard-ass.
I applied to be in a tribe (since it is Tribalwars and all…) and was asked to fill out an application form. Okay – so here is my attempt:
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The below might offend you if you’re thin skinned, but if you read what I am saying, and understand that I am actually helping you in your application process which is really iffy, so, you’d actually want me in your tribe.
In the very least, I’d give you a good laugh before you crumple up my application paper and toss it into your hoop basket.
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-Any thing that doesn’t apply please put N/A. Please fill out the following using proper English:
Define proper English. Discrimination is bad. Did you know that only 17% of the world speaks English in the world? Did you know that less than 0.04% of people on earth even attempt to speak proper English?
* Do they speak American English (Y’all have a good day now, y’hear!)
* Do they speak Australian English (G’day mate! Oi think TW is a great goime!)
* Do they speak South African English (Ja, no, well, maybe, fine. Let’s have a braai at my pad, my cuzzie!)
* Do they speak British English (I think your aggro application process is arse over face, my barmy friends)
* Do they speak Scottish English (Heid doon arse up, wi’ya)
* Do they speak Irish English (Paddy, I am goan’ for a shite. Yeah, I’m gonna go see Barry White)
Sure, they do, but is that proper English? Nope. Now ainn’t a beyotch? Just state “in English”? That should be enough to gauge whether the applicant can communicate with all you proper English Speakers out there.
1. List how much experience you have (example: 2 tears):
4 years (been playing for 8 years total, but for 4 years I played very little, so I don’t really count that as experience. And that should be “years” not “tears”) ;-> I will be your personal proof reader.
2.If any, list specifically what experience you have in the following:
-Diplomacy:
I run a business. Diplomacy is the game there. But so is not taking shit. I call a spade a spade when needed, and I am diplomatic when I have to be. I am probably not your guy for diplomatic peace of mind.
-Forum moderation:
I am intermediary all day between fighting staff acting like kids, so I can moderate. Question is whether I want to moderate something else, but I will if need be.
-Managing attack and/or defense groups:
Support packets? I can do that. Planning my own attacks for pin point landing times? I suck at it, as I refuse to set an alarm for 4am just to send an attack out to land in time đ My life is outside this game, mostly.
-Recruitment:
Do you mean firing and hiring people? Yeah, I do that too. Maybe a little too well.
-Management of a tribe:
Does managing a company help? I was in leadership in many tribes before. I am the guy they went to when Sylvester Stallone is considered to be a sissy. I say the things that need to be said. I get rid of the dead weight, even if that dead weight is myself.
3. Why do you want to join S.N.A?
Because I am not good enough and dedicated enough to be in an elite tribe, due to having a very full life outside the game, and in an Academy tribe I can do most good. I am a good leader and teacher, I am always willing to impart knowledge, and I am friendly (sometimes…). I also usually don’t bite, except when filling out half-arsed application forms.
4. On average how many hours do you spend logged into TW per day?
Hours? Hell! HELL NO! Let’s call that minutes, and we’ve got a deal. Approximately about 45 minutes. I think yesterday I spent 47.2 minutes, and I am already on 31.7 minutes filling out this application form.
5. Name ALL previous account usernames. Even ones that were from other worlds.
Grock – World 2, Bliksem – Since World 2.
NOTES:
-Lack of experience does not automatically result in rejection. It is simply to gauge what we need to teach you.
You could’ve fooled me.
-Application can take up to 24 (twenty-four) hours to review.
It is the only sensical thing you’ve said all day. All good hires take time.
-Background checks WILL be performed. So do not lie.
I hereby give you permission to do an MIE check on me. Criminal record, credit score, high school exam results, university degrees, the lot. Ha. Not. Grow up, folks – FFS!
-ALL QUESTIONS MUST BE ANSWERED. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Do you treat everyone like children though? If they do not answer the question, just ignore the application. do not tell them that “they will be punished if they leave a question out.” It is a game, folks, relax…
Now, let me just state unequivocally, that I was not accepted into this academy tribe. Ha. I wonder why.