Karma? Luck? I don’t know…

Do you believe in Karma? Is she a bitch on high heels? Or is she just and fair? Does she “exist”? I don’t know, and quite frankly, I believe that is for each to decide for themselves. I have often heard “What goes around, comes around” or “She got what she had coming” and things like that – this would suggest that Karma is indeed a bitch, if treated inappropriately…

I am not 100% sure – but based on my general feelings, I agree that you attract the response you send out to the world via your attitude. If you’re a kind person, people will be kind to you in return, well, generally speaking of course. If you trample people, they will trample you, or die trying to, depending on your disposition.

Now me, I am generally kind, and I am having it pretty good in Karma’s books. I have not had any serious problems recently. Am I doing something right? I don’t know. But I do know that I have been blessed twice in two days with excellent service. First my car repairs on Friday, and this morning, great service at my hair dresser’s. Maybe I am doing something right afterall 🙂

Of course, you can argue that this is expected, as you pay for the service, but still – we have become so complacent that service is bad, that we are starting to accept bad service as the norm. It doesn’t have to be this way…

When thinking back about this all, I figured what had at least a part in the good service I have received in the past few days – friendliness. I realised in hind sight that I was friendly (well, I am almost always friendly, given, but recently it was more than usual – the reason for that is a story for another day). Being friendly got me friendliness in return. Simple as that. Karma.

Perhaps we should stop seeing the fault in everyone else when we receive bad service, and start looking at ourselves. Hmmm?

Life

We are very sad today – our friend Jaco was taken away in a car accident this morning. SJS will not be the same without Mayor around. Mayor, friend, you have enriched our lives.

The collective sadness we feel today at SJS is so overwhelming. Everyone is quiet, keeping to themselves. Nobody is posting much, so I thought about this:

If we assume that there are at least 50 people mourning Jaco’s departure, and that all departing people are mourned by at least 50 people, this would world is a sad, sad place. Every day millions of people die. Considering South Africa as on July 2009, 16.99 of every 1000 people die per year. With a population of almost 49 million, that means around 832000 people died in the last year in South Africa alone. That would make 41 million people mourning the death of a loved one througout the year.

Well, this post was not meant to be negative, depressing or even 100% accurate, but I think you get the idea. When we’re sad, we’re often sad for our own loss, as the person who left us for eternity is in a better place. His or her job on earth was complete. It is not for us to try and figure out why.

The point of this post is, that even though 41 million people mourn every year about a loved one lost, that same 41 million people rejoice every other moment in time about the joy that people brought to their lives while they were alive.

Don’t cry because it is over, smile because it happened. Yes, harder to achieve than to say, but we have to try, otherwise nobody will ever be happy…

So – let’s celebrate Jaco’s life, for who he was, what he has meant to all of us, and what we’ve learnt from him…

Can you ever know someone completely?

The question that I pose is: Can you ever know someone completely? My answer is – I certainly hope not!

Why would you want to know someone completely? What is in it for you? No more enigma, no more surprise. No more thoughts of “what’s next”… How boring it must be!

Given, you need to know at least a few little things about a person you want to marry or otherwise spend your life with, need to find out the things that you can’t live with and the things you can’t live without. You have to know the fundamental differences and similarities between you. You need to know if your potential mate is an axe murderer. Wanted by the police? For sure, you need to know that. What about HIV status? I am sure that is high on everyone’s list.

But honestly, before getting married or otherwise hitching up, does it really matter if she had a Barbie doll when she was 7? Or that he had his appendix removed when he was 16? What about having 2 false teeth? What about being Victor Lodorum in school? NO! You don’t need to know this before committing! That is the fun of being with the one you love – you get to learn something new, every day!

After all, you want to do this for your entire life (the commitment, I mean). Well, at least most of us do. Most of us do not think – “Hey, I will date this person for a while, until I am bored” and those that do, have decided already that you can know someone completely right from the start. Skip the boredome! Leave something for the future. Grow old together, and die old, one day, thinking – I wonder what colour dress that Barbie doll had on?

Ciao!

Love eternal

Ah, the ever elusive concept of eternal love. Does eternal love between lovers exist? The short answer is YES. But what about the long answer? ABSOLUTELY! Well, technically speaking the one answer is short and the other one is long. So bite me!

But before you can really know for sure about eternal love, you have to ask yourself WHAT is eternal love. How do you practise it? How do you get it?

You practise it by being absolutely dedicated to the one you love. Consider everything you do and say in such a way that you would be happy if someone did that to you. Scold them? Would you like to be scolded at? Cheat them? Would you like to be cheated upon? Ignore them? Mistreat them? Make them sad? Make them cry? That is the simple recipe, and I have the answer, straight from various religious sources: Do unto others as you would want done unto yourself.

So easy in theory, isn’t it? 🙂

The influence of the stars and universe

What about astrology? You believe in it? You really do? Think it is has an effect on you, who you are, who you should date, what you should eat and what work you should do? You better believe it!

From a philosophical point of view (and I may get a bit of flack from a religious point of view now) you can think of this as a large randomizing machine. A lottery machine if you will. There are a finite number of balls. Let’s simplify it, and say there are only 9 balls. Let’s call the numbers 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 and 9. No suprises here! Let’s say we have to choose 6 of those 9 balls for a certain lottery draw. Some of our options are 1, 3, 5, 6, 8, 9 or 1, 2, 3, 7, 8, 9 and 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 8. What about 1, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8? Sure

Now let’s assign a characteristic to each number. Let’s assume the following to be true:

  • 1 – Likes coffee
  • 2 – Plays sports
  • 3 – Dances
  • 4 – Loves sleeping
  • 5 – Likes chess
  • 6 – Is romantic
  • 7 – Loves children
  • 8 – Is musical
  • 9 – Has a good sense of humour

As you can see, there are literally only 9 different options here. But, mathematically, there, I think, are 9*8*7*6*5*4 different possibilities here. I will leave it to the mathematicians amongst you to confirm or dispute this. This would mean, from 9 distinct options, you can be provided with 60480 different combinations with 6 digits. This is what makes us all unique.

Now – let’s revisit our chosen combinations above.

  • 1, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 – A romantic coffee drinker who gets enough sleep, plays chess, loves children and is musical.
  • 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 8 – A dancer who plays sports and chess, is romantic, loves children and is musical.
  • 1, 2, 3, 7, 8, 9 – A coffee drinker who plays sports, dances, loves children, is musical and has a good sense of humour.
  • 1, 3, 5, 6, 8, 9 – A coffee drinking dancer, who plays chess, is romantic, is musical and has a good sense of humour.

Do I have proof of this? No, I don’t. Does science have proof of this? I highly doubt it. Does society have proof of this? They seem to think so. Is the evidence conclusive? I don’t know. So why do I believe it? Because it simply has to be. Like God. You can’t explain God, nobody can. But God is there. And the stars are God’s randomizing machine to keep us different enough to keep us interested enough in one another. To keep us learning about ourselves and others, our whole life long!

In our example there are, using only those 9 combinations and choosing 6 of them at any given time, you can make over 60000 distinct combinations. That is what makes us all unique. The stars and galxy – it’s God’s randomizer. The position of the planets and stars at your birth is what differentiates you from another person. Again, do I have proof of this? No – but I believe it anyways…

Danger out of context

Ahhh, how easily people can start random panic! Shall I write a soap opera?

Thoughtless (or maybe that was not as thoughtless as I initially thought) propaganda can sometimes almost incite revolutions!

Take for example the big hype around Coca-Cola’s acidity. Yes, it DOES contain phosphoric (or some similar) acid, and yes, phosphoric acid does have a PH of around 1.1 or something when in pure form and in high concentration, but in Cola it is not in pure form, and the ratio, according to certain sources on the web (which could not be verified at the time of writing) is around 55%

So – that would make the pH of Coca-Cola around 2.3 or whatever, right? Yes, that is scary. Very scary. But did you know that stomach acid has an acidity somewhere between 1 and 2? That is almost double as acidic as the Coca-Cola you enjoy so much! And that is in your stomach 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, while the Coca-Cola moves through your digestive system rather quickly. Your stomach lining is made to handle that heavy acidity, so that your stomach acids, required for digesting your food, can be contained. Do you really think that a little bit of Coca-Cola, that stays only an hour or two max, will upset your stomach lining terribly?

Now – before I unleash the wrath of the millions of health fanatics all over the world (or at least of the few people who read my blog), let me just say that nothing that is done in excess is good for you. Be wise in what you eat and drink and be generally safe, and you should remain healthy, but honestly, before you think that your next glass of soda may kill you, or even your next cigarette may cause cancer, think whether you have this whole “I am going to die!!!12!!1!1!” theory completely out of context.

Personally, I don’t smoke. I drink very little alcohol, and I drink far less Coca-Cola than I used to, but I do not have any objection to responsible use of the vices that the extremist health freaks say will kill you 😉

Some more myku’s

It has been a while since I posted on my blog. Been away for over a week, and then on training for a week. Time to update a bit. And what better to update it with than with a bit of creativity. I have written a few more myku’s:

In response to: I’m happy with where I’m at, As long I’m still moving, Not simply running like a rat, But moving towards improving

To be happy where you’re at
Requires a purpose in life
But to get a purpose in life
Make yourself happy to be where you’re at

NOTES:

The key is not to look for extravagant things to make you happy, but to make the most of what you’ve got. Always good to broaden your horizons, but do not feel that if your life is not particularly exciting or daring, that you have no purpose…

In response to: I hate to bother you, but could I borrow a shoulder to cry on and a cup of tomorrow?

When tears threaten
And you feel beaten
And your emotions are bare
My shoulder is there

NOTES:

You sometimes wonder when someone is *really* your friend. Real friends won’t need to be asked for a shoulder to cry on. Real friends will instinctively know that something is wrong and will often not only offer the shoulder the cry on, but a possible solution to the problem that made you cry in the first place…

Until next time…

Ghosts from the past

Just as E.’s face appeared to me in a dream shortly after I have met her, her face is now gone again. I have a weird dream that I have quite often. I can recall 6 times that I had this particular dream, always the same, except twice, both of them concerning E. The first one, I saw her face, as her back was turned to me, face sideways, and now, I had the dream again, again different, her body towards me, but as I reach her, she turns around, and vanishes. Here is the basic dream:

I dream I am walking in some serene and calm place, may be a tropical island. I see a topless woman standing in front of me, but her back is towards me. She seems familiar, but I can’t see her face. I see her long, straight, dark hair blowing in the wind. Usually when I get to the girl, I wake up, without seeing her face. Only when I met E., I realized where this dream comes from: it comes from one of my favourite Afrikaans songs, called “Droomvrou”, which means “Dream Woman”, and the words describe a woman standing with her back towards the man, but he feels he knows her, even though he never sees her face. Interesting how music can influence you so profoundly!

In E.’s case I saw her face clearly the first time I have dreamt this dream about her. The second time was actually completely different, though the same scenery. I had the following dream last night:

Again my serene and calm place. Again a woman standing in front of me. This time, her body is turned towards me, still naked, but the nudity is blurred. I walk towards her, and when I reach her, she turns around and vanishes.

I woke up startled, wondering what that meant, and after writing down the dream (scared I will forget it), it dawned on me what it meant, at least what I thought it meant. She is out of my life, and my soul is beginning to accept this fact. I have already given up on getting her back – I knew that was not going to happen, but I never gave up on getting a friendship going with her again (my previous blog posts will show just that…). Just about a week ago, I still posted about this friendship that I so desperately long for, as I feel we had a very special connection. I was still fired up about keeping the friendship alive.

But now it is done.

Suddenly it is all clear to me. Why be friends with someone who does not want to be your friend? Sometimes you REALLY have to cut your losses and move on. MOVE ON! That time has come for me. I am free.

Perhaps my planned career change has something to do with this new mindset – the thought of leaving the old behind and embrace the new. I am attempting to exchange the comfort zone of a fixed salary each month for a fluctuating income and being my own boss. If things go well, I will leave my day job by the end of December. My new venture starts 1st of September. So, just as I plan to leave the old job behind, I am leaving E. behind now. Deleting phone numbers and throwing out all memories and souvenirs that remind me of her. It is now her choice entirely to get over her grudge against me. E. is now a ghost from my past. But she is not a poltergeist. She is not haunting me anymore.

Until the next time…

Myku

What exactly is a myku? Difficult to define, as I can’t find a proper definition anywhere, but it is similar to a haiku, which is an ancient form of poetry. a myku has less restrictive rules and consists of 4 lines. I have recently stumbled upon http://www.mykuworld.com, a site where you write your short little poems. But, what makes this interesting is that each myku world consists of 5 x 5 squares. Someone starts with a single myku, and people can write their own myku in that particular world, based on the content of the starting myku. After one reaction, the next person can react to the original myku, or the second one, and so on, and in the end, it forms a whole storyboard, one myku extending another, complimenting each other. I have started to write some mykus and will post some of them here, together with some notes, where necessary, to explain my thinking process while I was writing the particular myku. Here goes:

 

 

On the subject of being missed:

Do I count? Will I be missed?
Will someone cry if I am dissed?
Will I resolve to solitude
Or will I excel in attitude?

NOTES:

Reading the first line may make you think of a suicide note, but that is not the case. The second line is the key. It deals with the loss of the one you love. If he/she dumps you, will you be missed? Do you silently fantasize that he or she will take you back; that external factors influenced the decision? Will you wait in solitude to find out? Or will you challenge with attitude and either ask directly, or move on with your life?

On the subject of “Living Life Large”:

A hollowbacked expression
“Live Life Largely”
A pronunciation anomaly,
“Live Life Lushly”

NOTES:

When a colleague of mine, who also has a strange English accent, said the first quote, I accidentally heard the second quote. This got me to thinking that living life large, such a hollowbacked expression, can be given new life by changing the word to lush. What does “Living Life Lushly” tell you about the person living it?

In response to: I stopped to bring flowers to your grave, but forgot that you are still alive

Forgotten friends are everywhere
Sad and fragile, they’re among us
Shattered feelings here and there
Everyone’s from someone else’s past

NOTES:

It’s too late to say goodbye when the person is no longer with us. Don’t forsake your friends…

On the topic of lost love and the lost friendship thereafter:

Hold no grudges
Deal with pain
Forgive, forget
All in vain

NOTES:

When breaking up there is seldom friendship after the fact. In most cases, friendship fades when the romance does. And the pain that you experience because of that is often worse than the pain of the romance lost.

On the topic of being egocentric:

Ego, the devil in us all
Explicit, the hatred in us all
Untold anger lurks inside
If you dare disturb Ego’s pride

NOTES:

Our ego is the devil, for sure. Pride, anger, sadness, misplaced superiority, inferiority, hate, intimidation, disintegration of the soul. The ego is damaging. Control it.

The winds of change

Whether we want to admit it or not, we often change little things about ourselves to be likable to others. Or do we? What constitutes change? Is wearing your hair loose because your partner likes it that way considered to be a change? Is agreeing with the one you love for the sake of peace (or because you love that person) considered to be a change? What exactly is change?

From the Unabridged Dictionary (v1.1): Change (verb): to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone.

If you consider that definition of the word change, my given examples would be considered changes. So what if we change something, and then change it back to the way it was? Does it cancel out the change, or is it now two changes? Technically speaking, it is two changes, because a change alters the state of something from the state that it is currently in.

But why this discussion about what change is? If you understand the concept of change, you can try to define what someone mean when they say You are changing yourself so that I will like you. What the heck am I on about? E., an ex of mine always said that I was trying to change myself to be more likable to her. Did I? She seemed to think so, but I do not. If you merely agree with something she says, even if you disagreed yesterday, does that mean you changed yourself? No. It means you have changed your opinion about something.

Let us presume you are asked if you want to have children. Let us say a few years ago you did want children, but at the current moment in time, you are not so sure. I mean, it is possible that you are unable to have children. Do you see your self waking up at two in the morning to change a diaper? Do you think you would expect too much of your children and press them too hard to achieve what you were unable to achieve in your younger years?

I was like that once. I wanted children. Then, at the time I met E., I was unsure whether I wanted children or not. The thoughts given above where running through my head. E. proclaimed even before we were seriously dating that she would never have children again. I can understand that, with already having had 2 (beautiful) daughters, and having to raise them alone. She would not start over for anybody, and that was okay. This got me to thinking, and it affirmed my thoughts about having children. I decided that I did not want children, at least not at this time in my life. No way, Sir.

Now the following question remains: By affirming my feelings about this, that I do not want children at this time of my life, did I change my opinion about this so that we have a better chance of staying together? Considering the facts, if she does not want any more children and I do, would that not cause a lot of trouble in our relationship? Yes, but only if I wanted some and she did not. But since I made up my mind that I did not, would it harm us? Probably not. Unless one of us changes our minds again. But did I change my mind in an attempt to make our relationship last? I doubt it – because I still feel the same, almost two months after the breakup.

So, I ask again… Did I change myself to ensure our future, even at a great cost to myself? I think no. But what do you think? Drop me a line by using the contact link in the navigation bar. Would be interesting to hear some other people’s take on this…

Until next time…