Tribalwars

Okay – I am again playing a bit of Tribalwars. That game consumed about 4 years of my life a million years back, but I have since then become a real hard-ass.

I applied to be in a tribe (since it is Tribalwars and all…) and was asked to fill out an application form. Okay – so here is my attempt:

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The below might offend you if you’re thin skinned, but if you read what I am saying, and understand that I am actually helping you in your application process which is really iffy, so, you’d actually want me in your tribe.

In the very least, I’d give you a good laugh before you crumple up my application paper and toss it into your hoop basket.

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-Any thing that doesn’t apply please put N/A. Please fill out the following using proper English:
[b]Define proper English. Discrimination is bad. Did you know that only 17% of the world speaks English in the world? Did you know that less than 0.04% of people on earth even attempt to speak proper English?

* Do they speak American English (Y’all have a good day now, y’hear!)
* Do they speak Australian English (G’day mate! Oi think TW is a great goime!)
* Do they speak South African English (Ja, no, well, maybe, fine. Let’s have a braai at my pad, my cuzzie!)
* Do they speak British English (I think your aggro application process is arse over face, my barmy friends)
* Do they speak Scottish English (Heid doon arse up, wi’ya)
* Do they speak Irish English (Paddy, I am goan’ for a shite. Yeah, I’m gonna go see Barry White)

Sure, they do, but is that proper English? Nope. Now ainn’t a beyotch? Just state “in English”? That should be enough to gauge whether the applicant can communicate with all you proper English Speakers out there.[/b]

1. List how much experience you have (example: 2 tears):
[b]4 years (been playing for 8 years total, but for 4 years I played very little, so I don’t really count that as experience. And that should be “years” not “tears”) ;-> I will be your personal proof reader.[/b]

2.If any, list specifically what experience you have in the following:

-Diplomacy:
[b]I run a business. Diplomacy is the game there. But so is not taking shit. I call a spade a spade when needed, and I am diplomatic when I have to be. I am probably not your guy for diplomatic peace of mind.[/b]

-Forum moderation:
[b]I am intermediary all day between fighting staff acting like kids, so I can moderate. Question is whether I want to moderate something else, but I will if need be.[/b]

-Managing attack and/or defense groups:
[b]Support packets? I can do that. Planning my own attacks for pin point landing times? I suck at it, as I refuse to set an alarm for 4am just to send an attack out to land in time 😉 My life is outside this game, mostly.[/b]

-Recruitment:
[b]Do you mean firing and hiring people? Yeah, I do that too. Maybe a little too well.[/b]

-Management of a tribe:
[b]Does managing a company help? I was in leadership in many tribes before. I am the guy they went to when Sylvester Stallone is considered to be a sissy. I say the things that need to be said. I get rid of the dead weight, even if that dead weight is myself.[/b]

3. Why do you want to join S.N.A?
[b]Because I am not good enough and dedicated enough to be in an elite tribe, due to having a very full life outside the game, and in an Academy tribe I can do most good. I am a good leader and teacher, I am always willing to impart knowledge, and I am friendly (sometimes…). I also usually don’t bite, except when filling out half-arsed application forms.[/b]

4. On average how many hours do you spend logged into TW per day?
[b]Hours? Hell! HELL NO! Let’s call that minutes, and we’ve got a deal. Approximately about 45 minutes. I think yesterday I spent 47.2 minutes, and I am already on 31.7 minutes filling out this application form.[/b]

5. Name ALL previous account usernames. Even ones that were from other worlds.
[b]Grock – World 2, Bliksem – Since World 2.[/b]

NOTES:
-Lack of experience does not automatically result in rejection. It is simply to gauge what we need to teach you.
[b]You could’ve fooled me.[/b]

-Application can take up to 24 (twenty-four) hours to review.
[b]It is the only sensical thing you’ve said all day. All good hires take time.[/b]

-Background checks WILL be performed. So do not lie.
[b]I hereby give you permission to do an MIE check on me. Criminal record, credit score, high school exam results, university degrees, the lot. Ha. Not. Grow up, folks – FFS![/b]

-ALL QUESTIONS MUST BE ANSWERED. NO EXCEPTIONS.
[b]Do you treat everyone like children though? If they do not answer the question, just ignore the application. do not tell them that “they will be punished if they leave a question out.” It is a game, folks, relax…[/b]

What are a few alphabet characters between friends?

Okay – I just got this traffic usage report from my service provider…

I wonder what could be wrong with this? I wonder how many of their customers have been overcharged? I wonder if this is how they make money?

Data Usage
Download Total : 1.35 GB
Upload Total : 910.69 MB
Total Traffic : 912.04 GB

The report above indicates that I have done over 912GB of transfer for the month so far, for a month not even 3 days old.

1.35GB download
910MB upload

How on earth do you get to 912GB total traffic? LOL! Hilarious! I wonder if they overcharge everyone like this?

I have had serious complaints about them before, which I posted at HelloPeter,com.

This, however, is where I am taking off the gloves and start to take action. I want my contract cancelled. After this, the ball is in their court to prove that they did NOT overcharge me (or anybody else for that matter).

I am DONE!

Shoes, beautiful shoes

Well, slap me with a wet noodle and call me George. This weekend for the first time, I experienced (and subsequently began to understand the tip of the iceberg regarding the experience) with women’s fascination with buying shoes.

So, she has five pairs of silver “pumps” (or whatever those are called)  and 4 red pairs, 6 black pairs and maybe some blue and green pairs. She has about 12 pairs of shoes with varying degree of heel lengths, and she has various pairs of flat shoes which all look generally the same to me. I guess the reason I never did or never made an attempt to is simply because I always bought functional, cheap shoes. So what! It is a shoe! It works. Why make a big fuss out of the experience and the event?

I stand corrected. This weekend, I bought two pairs of shoes. Buying shoes is not the new experience, but WHAT I bought is certainly a new experience. I generally buy two new pairs of shoes every 6 months or so, but this time, my wife was with me, and she showed me the entire experience from start to finish. The process of first finding shoes that you think fits your style or likes, then the process of fitting them to your feet. (Why would you fit your shoes? Don’t be ridiculous! You know you wear a number 9 shoe! Right?). WRONG! I actually found that a number 10 shoe is now more comfortable. As I am a 36 year old male, I believe that my feet aren’t growing anymore, so it could mean I have worn the wrong shoe size for the majority of my adult life.

So, I have two new pairs of shoes. Both pairs are 1 size larger than I usually buy, and they cost more than double what I usually pay for shoes. At first, I had mixed feelings. I could have used that money better! Maybe I should have bought some shares with it, or maybe a nice bean bag for the lounge.

But today, all those doubts are gone. I have spent the money wisely. I am wearing a pair of Bronx loafers that costs about R 500.00 for the pair, and fits like a dream. For my more formal attire, I will certainly enjoy my soft, luxurious leather boots from Woolworths.

Although I have enough shoes in these two pairs to last me at least six months, I am looking forward to going shoe shopping again!

My first hate mail and job offer…

Don’t you just love it when people show the signs of their poor upbringing and absolute lack of intelligence? Hehehe…

Well, I have just received my first hate mail. It goes like this…

Please contact Dick Dugler from Dick (TM) PTY LTD
Telephone number: 101111
E-mail address (as given): suck-my-d*ck@industries.net
Fax number (if provided): 101111
Subject: Job Offer
Body: Howz about you suck my erect p*nis? Faggot

Well, let’s see… First of all, he works at the police station, hence the number 10111 (LOL). However, this retarded “policeman” has problems counting. There are only 5 numbers in the police hotline, and only 4 of them are the digit 1. I guess he lost all his counting fingers when his inbred dog mistook them for frankfurters.

I have to say though – being able to register a domain such as industries.net for his personal hate mail needs certainly indicates that this “policeman” is very rich with lots of foreign investments, and he likes to travel quite a bit. It is evident from the fact that he owns a company called Network Solutions, which, from my knowledge gathering, is a Limited Liability Company web services provider located in the United States and is owned by General Atlantic, a large global growth investor company, who owns well over 50 companies (http://www.generalatlantic.com/en/companies/all). Looks at some of these companies! This is so impressive! It would be really ridiculous to believe that this man is anything less than a director of this group of companies! So – I have to say – I am very much impressed with the mettle of my retarded board member.

And would you believe! He is offering me a job! WOW! And nothing less that to suck his honorable erectness. Wow. Now all I can hope for is that I don’t need a tweezer to find it – I am so excited! But I believe he must be one of the “biggest” men around, you know, because, wow, nobody would advertise their manhood in his e-mail address if he was Stuart Little, right? Yeah – I wonder if I should accept.

… 4 hours passes …

Okay – now that the excitement and exhiliration is over, I have decided not to take his job offer. Not only did his e-mail address had a hard bounce, his mailer daemon responded with the following error message: “No such user: suck-my-d*ck”. So it means that this guy has been playing me! There is no job openings for personal d*ck suckers. I feel so wronged! *sigh*

Well, now that I am over the worst of the disappointment, I started to accept my fate. This person is actually sort of an idiot. Why do I say such fowl things about a prospective employer? Well, see, that’s simple: He has no d*ck to suck, which is evident from his bounced mail, and, well, he should’ve figured I am not his type, because his girlfriend likes me… 😉

My mom’s a b**ch

My mom’s a b**ch. The words uttered by a 12 year old on the forum of a popular game I sometimes play online, called TribalWars. He said this, because his mother would not pay for the fees of the game, so he had to play at a disadvantage to other kids whose parents did buy them the so-called “premium points”.

When told that his behavior was not good, here was his response: “I dont think you realize how young i actually am 😛 Im not old enough to have a Visa card or anything, my dad would buy it, he has bought it once but the bank shut his cards down because he stopped paying bills, and my mom would never ever spend money on a game… I would charge it to my cell but i dont want my dad to owe more money than he already does (My mom being what she is wouldnt by me or my brother cell phones, so my dad had to)”.

I have decided to buy myself premium points, because it just makes the game more manageable and it then takes up less time (which I do not have a whole lot of nowadays). Those with large game accounts without premium points can still play the game, but management of the account becomes tedious.

Now with the bit of history of the game out of the way, I responded to the post as follows:

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Hmmmm…

Adults usually have reasons that kids don’t know about for not allowing certain perks or benefits. The reason your dad stopped paying bills could be because he COULDN’T anymore, or because of poor financial control. It could be anything. Your mom, on the other hand, could refuse to do this due to your financial situation (or not, whatever – read on).

My mom raised 4 boys on her own, and she had a very small salary. When I got out of school, as I started working as a waiter to help my mother with little household expenses, not because I was forced to (she never asked a cent of me) but because I started to realize what things cost, and how she was suffering, and hiding it from us kids so that we wouldn’t worry.

We didn’t have cellphones or any luxuries. What we did have, though, was second-hand clothes, food, and a roof over our head. We didn’t want to understand that when we were young, when all the other kids had money for sweets and cold drinks during school breaks. But now that we’re all grown up, we realize exactly what my mom went through, as we have been through similar situations ourselves in our adult lives, albeit for different reasons, perhaps.

Now that I am an adult, I remember all the small things that my mother *did* which I did not notice when I was younger. On pay day, each of us got a small, cheap sweet. Something nice, just for us. Without fail. No exceptions. At that time it didn’t compare well to the stuff the other kids in school got, but now that I think back – she was a FRIGGIN’ AMAZING WOMAN! Even though we considered her a b**ch when we were kids…

So – next time you want to call your mom a b**ch, think about what I wrote here, and you may reconsider your thoughts. Whatever her reasons are for not giving you money, could be a serious reason that she is not telling you, to stop you from worrying.

Welcome to Invisible Ink

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Welcome to Invisible Ink. This is the personal homepage of Kobus Myburgh, and here he will either entertain you (or sicken you) with petty philosophies, tasteless jokes or his curriculum vitae. Hopefully you will see something here that interests you.

Kobus Myburgh was born in 1975, and has been working in the IT industry for over 18 years and has gained vast experience in managing tertiary education computer systems and users, all aspects of web development, customer care, usability, accessibility and user experience improvements and running IT companies

Kobus holds a B. Sc. (cum laude) and a B. Sc. Honors degree through North-West University) and also various other professional qualifications, some of which are A+, ITIL Foundation, ITIL Practitioner in Release and Control, Web development through Working Webs, Software specialist (with distinction) through Boston Business College, attendance of Novell 6.0 CNA, Project Management through Astrotech Training, and Red Hat Enterprise Linux through Obsidian, in an effort to become a certified Red Hat Certified Engineer.

Kobus started his IT career in 1995, as a PC technician at a North-West university, and moving up in rank to IT consultant where he had various responsibilities, ranging from technician, anti-virus specialist, web development, student facilities planning and budgeting, as well as training and documentation production. Although using web development technologies since 2001, in 2009 he decided to focus solely on web development using PHP and associated technologies, such as MySQL, MSSQL, Oracle, HTML, CSS, Javascript, jQuery, JSON, XML, SOAP and RESTful services.

Kobus Myburgh has been developing PHP driven systems since early 2001, and has exposure in various industries ranging from universities, advertising and marketing agencies, parastatal companies, and web development houses. These industries exposed him to the unique budget constraints, stakeholder dynamics and development conditions present in each industry, and this has enabled him to produce a wide array of systems ranging from front-end coding in HTML and CSS, eCommerce systems with integrated payment gateways, the development of his own CMS, and complete financial and workflow systems for making clients’ administration tasks more manageable.

Due to his varied exposure over many IT related positions over the past 18 years, Kobus is a well-rounded, technical individual, with a strong logical side, particularly adept at researching solutions where others see problems.

In 2012 Kobus started a second company, Impero Consulting (www.impero.co.za). Kobus’ strong focus on web development, customer service and entrepreneurship has guided him through various business ventures, several high profile development and consultation positions.