Okay – I am again playing a bit of Tribalwars. That game consumed about 4 years of my life a million years back, but I have since then become a real hard-ass.
I applied to be in a tribe (since it is Tribalwars and all…) and was asked to fill out an application form. Okay – so here is my attempt:
The below might offend you if you’re thin skinned, but if you read what I am saying, and understand that I am actually helping you in your application process which is really iffy, so, you’d actually want me in your tribe.
In the very least, I’d give you a good laugh before you crumple up my application paper and toss it into your hoop basket.
-Any thing that doesn’t apply please put N/A. Please fill out the following using proper English:
[b]Define proper English. Discrimination is bad. Did you know that only 17% of the world speaks English in the world? Did you know that less than 0.04% of people on earth even attempt to speak proper English?
* Do they speak American English (Y’all have a good day now, y’hear!)
* Do they speak Australian English (G’day mate! Oi think TW is a great goime!)
* Do they speak South African English (Ja, no, well, maybe, fine. Let’s have a braai at my pad, my cuzzie!)
* Do they speak British English (I think your aggro application process is arse over face, my barmy friends)
* Do they speak Scottish English (Heid doon arse up, wi’ya)
* Do they speak Irish English (Paddy, I am goan’ for a shite. Yeah, I’m gonna go see Barry White)
Sure, they do, but is that proper English? Nope. Now ainn’t a beyotch? Just state “in English”? That should be enough to gauge whether the applicant can communicate with all you proper English Speakers out there.[/b]
1. List how much experience you have (example: 2 tears):
[b]4 years (been playing for 8 years total, but for 4 years I played very little, so I don’t really count that as experience. And that should be “years” not “tears”) ;-> I will be your personal proof reader.[/b]
2.If any, list specifically what experience you have in the following:
[b]I run a business. Diplomacy is the game there. But so is not taking shit. I call a spade a spade when needed, and I am diplomatic when I have to be. I am probably not your guy for diplomatic peace of mind.[/b]
[b]I am intermediary all day between fighting staff acting like kids, so I can moderate. Question is whether I want to moderate something else, but I will if need be.[/b]
-Managing attack and/or defense groups:
[b]Support packets? I can do that. Planning my own attacks for pin point landing times? I suck at it, as I refuse to set an alarm for 4am just to send an attack out to land in time 😉 My life is outside this game, mostly.[/b]
[b]Do you mean firing and hiring people? Yeah, I do that too. Maybe a little too well.[/b]
-Management of a tribe:
[b]Does managing a company help? I was in leadership in many tribes before. I am the guy they went to when Sylvester Stallone is considered to be a sissy. I say the things that need to be said. I get rid of the dead weight, even if that dead weight is myself.[/b]
3. Why do you want to join S.N.A?
[b]Because I am not good enough and dedicated enough to be in an elite tribe, due to having a very full life outside the game, and in an Academy tribe I can do most good. I am a good leader and teacher, I am always willing to impart knowledge, and I am friendly (sometimes…). I also usually don’t bite, except when filling out half-arsed application forms.[/b]
4. On average how many hours do you spend logged into TW per day?
[b]Hours? Hell! HELL NO! Let’s call that minutes, and we’ve got a deal. Approximately about 45 minutes. I think yesterday I spent 47.2 minutes, and I am already on 31.7 minutes filling out this application form.[/b]
5. Name ALL previous account usernames. Even ones that were from other worlds.
[b]Grock – World 2, Bliksem – Since World 2.[/b]
-Lack of experience does not automatically result in rejection. It is simply to gauge what we need to teach you.
[b]You could’ve fooled me.[/b]
-Application can take up to 24 (twenty-four) hours to review.
[b]It is the only sensical thing you’ve said all day. All good hires take time.[/b]
-Background checks WILL be performed. So do not lie.
[b]I hereby give you permission to do an MIE check on me. Criminal record, credit score, high school exam results, university degrees, the lot. Ha. Not. Grow up, folks – FFS![/b]
-ALL QUESTIONS MUST BE ANSWERED. NO EXCEPTIONS.
[b]Do you treat everyone like children though? If they do not answer the question, just ignore the application. do not tell them that “they will be punished if they leave a question out.” It is a game, folks, relax…[/b]