Tag Archives: loss

The hurt in the past

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Having never liked jazzy music before, I have only recently discovered how delightful Norah Jones is. In particularly her songs “I Don’t Know Why” and “Come Away With Me”, however, the song I want to talk about today is sung by Norah, but written by Hank Williams, called “Cold Cold Heart”. I have been through a few breakups where these were the words I have been looking for to say, but couldn’t find them. Now I have them for future reference. 🙂 These words hit me right in the mind with their simplicity, yet deep, deep meaning.

Song: Cold Cold Heart
Writer: Hank Williams
Singer: Norah Jones

I tried so hard my dear to show that you’re my every dream.
Yet you’re afraid each thing I do is just some evil scheme
A memory from your lonesome past keeps us so far apart
Why can’t I free your doubtful mind and melt your cold cold heart

Another love before my time made your heart sad and blue
And so my heart is paying now for things I didn’t do
In anger unkind words are said that make the teardrops start
Why can’t I free your doubtful mind and melt your cold cold heart

You’ll never know how much it hurts to see you sat and cry
You know you need and want my love yet you’re afraid to try
Why do you run and hide from lies, to try it just ain’t smart
Why can’t I free your doubtful mind and melt your cold cold heart

There was a time when I believed that you belonged to me
But now I know your heart is shackled to a memory
The more I learn to care for you, the more we drift apart
Why can’t I free your doubtful mind and melt your cold cold heart

I will never love again! Right!

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I can only feel sorry for people who say I will never trust anyone enough again to love them, because I have been hurt too many times (or something similar).

My motto in this situation is to deal with it, and deal with it decisively. There is absolutely nothing wrong with mourning over the loss of someone special after a breakup. You may even call that person names (only in your mind, of course, if you wish to remain friends with that person). Mourn, deal, get over it, and move on. Do not make your suffering more than what is absolutely necessary.

People having this attitude also often feel that they cannot move back to being friends with the person they were with after the breakup. Nonsense. The key is to deal with your loss and grief before attempting a friendship. By dealing with it, getting over it, and then re-establishing a friendship, you may actually be surprised at the possible benefits of being mature about it all:

  • Sharing good times with someone you really care about, by giving up a small part of that person (the lovers part of the relationship) and focusing on all the other special things about that person.
  • Being the eternal optimist, I also believe that there might be a slight chance of getting that person back again, but that would depend on the situation, and how you deal with it. But don’t wait too long for that person — life goes on, friend! Date others. Have fun. If you are lucky, you may actually be happy with someone else, or maybe get that person back. Don’t live in the past too long, but no harm in being patient for a bit.

So, next time you hear someone say those words, maybe something I said here will hit home.