Category Archives: Philosophy

Survival Instinct

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This morning, I rescued a gecko from one of my cats. This was an eye-opener in two ways for me. First, the look on my cat’s face; a look that says: “Dang you! I worked hard for that! You are taking my livelihood away from me!” My feeling of guilt was short-lived though, as something else totally grabbed my focus shortly after.

As I held this little gecko, in total not even the length of my little finger, this brave little creature started to bite me. It bit me with all its might, and with a passion I can hardly describe. I wish I had a chance to take a picture of the event, but it struck me how much of a will to survive the little creature had.

I stood there for a few seconds, observing the tenacity with which it bit me, and I simply had to admire its will to live. I could squash this little thing like a bug, if I wanted to, and it probably instinctively knew it, but it did not give up. It bit me as if it knew I would sooner or later have to let it go in a yelp of pain.

After a few seconds of watching this brave little thing, a few seconds that felt like an eternity in awe, I went outside and put it down in the garden. This leads me to another thought about where did my cat grab this gecko in the first place, and would it be able to find its way back from where it was initially kidnapped from? We know that cats and dogs can find their way home for miles and miles, but what about this little gecko?

I hope so…

Karma? Luck? I don’t know…

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Do you believe in Karma? Is she a bitch on high heels? Or is she just and fair? Does she “exist”? I don’t know, and quite frankly, I believe that is for each to decide for themselves. I have often heard “What goes around, comes around” or “She got what she had coming” and things like that – this would suggest that Karma is indeed a bitch, if treated inappropriately…

I am not 100% sure – but based on my general feelings, I agree that you attract the response you send out to the world via your attitude. If you’re a kind person, people will be kind to you in return, well, generally speaking of course. If you trample people, they will trample you, or die trying to, depending on your disposition.

Now me, I am generally kind, and I am having it pretty good in Karma’s books. I have not had any serious problems recently. Am I doing something right? I don’t know. But I do know that I have been blessed twice in two days with excellent service. First my car repairs on Friday, and this morning, great service at my hair dresser’s. Maybe I am doing something right afterall 🙂

Of course, you can argue that this is expected, as you pay for the service, but still – we have become so complacent that service is bad, that we are starting to accept bad service as the norm. It doesn’t have to be this way…

When thinking back about this all, I figured what had at least a part in the good service I have received in the past few days – friendliness. I realised in hind sight that I was friendly (well, I am almost always friendly, given, but recently it was more than usual – the reason for that is a story for another day). Being friendly got me friendliness in return. Simple as that. Karma.

Perhaps we should stop seeing the fault in everyone else when we receive bad service, and start looking at ourselves. Hmmm?

Can you ever know someone completely?

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The question that I pose is: Can you ever know someone completely? My answer is – I certainly hope not!

Why would you want to know someone completely? What is in it for you? No more enigma, no more surprise. No more thoughts of “what’s next”… How boring it must be!

Given, you need to know at least a few little things about a person you want to marry or otherwise spend your life with, need to find out the things that you can’t live with and the things you can’t live without. You have to know the fundamental differences and similarities between you. You need to know if your potential mate is an axe murderer. Wanted by the police? For sure, you need to know that. What about HIV status? I am sure that is high on everyone’s list.

But honestly, before getting married or otherwise hitching up, does it really matter if she had a Barbie doll when she was 7? Or that he had his appendix removed when he was 16? What about having 2 false teeth? What about being Victor Lodorum in school? NO! You don’t need to know this before committing! That is the fun of being with the one you love – you get to learn something new, every day!

After all, you want to do this for your entire life (the commitment, I mean). Well, at least most of us do. Most of us do not think – “Hey, I will date this person for a while, until I am bored” and those that do, have decided already that you can know someone completely right from the start. Skip the boredom! Leave something for the future. Grow old together, and die old, one day, thinking – I wonder what colour dress that Barbie doll had on?

Out of sight, out of mind…

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Someone once said that a tidy desk is a sign of a cluttered draw. Does that necessary flow that a cluttered desk is a sign of an empty draw? No, it does not. We often believe that if something is out of sight, it is out of mind. In many cases this works, at least for a while. Until the desk gets too cluttered, and the draw is also full. Then we need to purge. To clean up. To detox. To rejuvenate.

Envision this tidy desk of yours, or the cluttered one, if you wish. Envision this cluttered draw or empty one, should you so desire. Make sure you are thinking of YOUR desk and YOUR draw. Not a generic one or one of a family member or a friend. What does your desk look like? Is it messy? Is it tidy?

How do you think this symbolizes your life? Are you hiding your pains and fears away in your draw, or are they available for everyone to see? Are you a control freak who keeps everything around you tidy, but inside yourself, you’re a mess? Do you want everything in its place? Do you HAVE everything in its place? Are you in control of yourself, or not? Are you trying to control everyone else around you because you can not control yourself? These are just a random bunch of questions. I want to make you think. You don’t have to think sense, just think, and really, nobody has to know that you thunk at all – it will be our little secret.

I am equating my desk with my mind. My desk is usually messy, but so is my drawer. And with messy, I don’t mean dirty. Not in the gutter, nor is it unkept and dusty, and coffee spilt over it. It is untidy. But everything is in its place. It is usually easy for me to find something on my desk or in my drawer, even though it may be impossible for someone else to find it. I know where everything is.

That is similar to my mind. I can find things in there that I never knew I collected before. I get random flashbacks from when I was 5 years old, that probably nobody in the world would remember, even if they were present at the time, and had the same memory stored away somewhere. The reason being that for them it was just something that happened, for me, that same event made a profound impact on the way I do things.

Some days I get this urge to clean everything up around me. I pack out my draws, and repack them. I clean up my desk, and reorganize everything. I have realized that I do this only when I am in a situation where I have absolutely no idea what is going on around me. This could be work pressure, some other issues, such as missing someone, or being in pain, or whatever your situation may be. Once I have packed and reorganized, everything starts to pile up eventually, and it gets messy again, but I know where everything is, until I don’t know anymore. Once I get to that point, I purge again.

I do the same with my mind. The same with my emotions. This is evidence in the posts I make on my blog, and when I make them. I tend to write stuff when something is bothering me. Lot of the posts on here revolve around losing the love of my life last year (2008). Then it went quiet. I dealt with it, and moved on. My blog has been quiet. Until now.

So – what is bothering me now? It is simply that my desk is getting cluttered, and I know that soon I will need to clean it out. For me that is a good thing. It rejuvenates me. It rejuvenates my soul. It makes me feel back in control. My desk and my draw are both tidy. At least for a while.

Edit 2022: Decided to keep the article I wrote above. The girl I lost in 2008 was not the love of my life, of that I am sure. I just know at the time, it felt as if my heart was ripped from my chest. She had a purpose in my life, and I will always be thankful for the lessons learned, but I am now married for 11 years, have two beautiful children, and am a very happy man as it stands. Thank you for being in my life while you were, special lady!

Some more myku’s

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It has been a while since I posted on my blog. Been away for over a week, and then on training for a week. Time to update a bit. And what better to update it with than with a bit of creativity. I have written a few more myku’s:

In response to: I’m happy with where I’m at, As long I’m still moving, Not simply running like a rat, But moving towards improving

To be happy where you’re at
Requires a purpose in life
But to get a purpose in life
Make yourself happy to be where you’re at

NOTES:

The key is not to look for extravagant things to make you happy, but to make the most of what you’ve got. Always good to broaden your horizons, but do not feel that if your life is not particularly exciting or daring, that you have no purpose…

In response to: I hate to bother you, but could I borrow a shoulder to cry on and a cup of tomorrow?

When tears threaten
And you feel beaten
And your emotions are bare
My shoulder is there

NOTES:

You sometimes wonder when someone is *really* your friend. Real friends won’t need to be asked for a shoulder to cry on. Real friends will instinctively know that something is wrong and will often not only offer the shoulder the cry on, but a possible solution to the problem that made you cry in the first place…

I see dead people…

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As you may or may not know, the line I see dead people comes from the movie The Sixth Sense starring Bruce Willis and Haley Joel Osment. If you have been reading my blog posts in the past, you will know that my posts are often spoiling the plot if you have not seen the movie yet. So – if you have not seen the movie yet, and want to, please do so before reading this post.

As you also know, when I talk about a movie, I don’t give a review. I look at the lesson that I have learned from the movie, and I share that lesson with you.

In the movie, Malcolm Crowe (Willis) is actually killed in the beginning of the movie, but the viewer does not know this until the very end. Cole Sear (Osment) has the ability to see ghosts, and states at one time that people only see what they want to see. This is what this post is about.

How often does it happen that you see something the way you want to see it? How often do you think everything is fine in your relationships? Nothing wrong. Zero defect. Or do you actually only see in hindsight the millions of things that were wrong right from the start? Do you realize in shock that you should’ve seen the break-up coming? Or do you realize that a particular thing you did caused much more damage than you wanted to believe? Or, after the break-up, do you only then see the signs that your significant other was cheating on you with someone else? Or, do you only see after the fact that your child lied to you about not stealing that money from your purse? Or what about those flowers your husband brought you today? It is not his usual behaviour, so why now? Who knows. Maybe he just wanted to be romantic. He wants to show you he loves you. Right? Maybe. Maybe he is apologizing for something he did…?

It is very difficult to do, because you’re often blinded by your circumstances, but try to look at every situation as if you are not IN the situation. As if you are an observer viewing your life from outside your body, and as if you are totally impartial to the outcome (sort of like the ghosts in the movie Stardust). But if you start to manage this, you may actually see the inevitible before it happens. Good luck with that…

The winds of change

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Whether we want to admit it or not, we often change little things about ourselves to be likable to others. Or do we? What constitutes change? Is wearing your hair loose because your partner likes it that way considered to be a change? Is agreeing with the one you love for the sake of peace (or because you love that person) considered to be a change? What exactly is change?

From the Unabridged Dictionary (v1.1): Change (verb): to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone.

If you consider that definition of the word change, my given examples would be considered changes. So what if we change something, and then change it back to the way it was? Does it cancel out the change, or is it now two changes? Technically speaking, it is two changes, because a change alters the state of something from the state that it is currently in.

But why this discussion about what change is? If you understand the concept of change, you can try to define what someone mean when they say You are changing yourself so that I will like you. What the heck am I on about? E., an ex of mine always said that I was trying to change myself to be more likable to her. Did I? She seemed to think so, but I do not. If you merely agree with something she says, even if you disagreed yesterday, does that mean you changed yourself? No. It means you have changed your opinion about something.

Let us presume you are asked if you want to have children. Let us say a few years ago you did want children, but at the current moment in time, you are not so sure. I mean, it is possible that you are unable to have children. Do you see your self waking up at two in the morning to change a diaper? Do you think you would expect too much of your children and press them too hard to achieve what you were unable to achieve in your younger years?

I was like that once. I wanted children. Then, at the time I met E., I was unsure whether I wanted children or not. The thoughts given above where running through my head. E. proclaimed even before we were seriously dating that she would never have children again. I can understand that, with already having had 2 (beautiful) daughters, and having to raise them alone. She would not start over for anybody, and that was okay. This got me to thinking, and it affirmed my thoughts about having children. I decided that I did not want children, at least not at this time in my life. No way, Sir.

Now the following question remains: By affirming my feelings about this, that I do not want children at this time of my life, did I change my opinion about this so that we have a better chance of staying together? Considering the facts, if she does not want any more children and I do, would that not cause a lot of trouble in our relationship? Yes, but only if I wanted some and she did not. But since I made up my mind that I did not, would it harm us? Probably not. Unless one of us changes our minds again. But did I change my mind in an attempt to make our relationship last? I doubt it – because I still feel the same, almost two months after the breakup.

So, I ask again… Did I change myself to ensure our future, even at a great cost to myself? I think no. But what do you think? Drop me a line by using the contact link in the navigation bar. Would be interesting to hear some other people’s take on this…

Edit 2022: So, today, I am married for 11 years, and I have two beautiful boys that I love to pieces. So I changed my mind again to have children. What good is a mind if you can’t change it?

The hurt in the past

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Having never liked jazzy music before, I have only recently discovered how delightful Norah Jones is. In particularly her songs “I Don’t Know Why” and “Come Away With Me”, however, the song I want to talk about today is sung by Norah, but written by Hank Williams, called “Cold Cold Heart”. I have been through a few breakups where these were the words I have been looking for to say, but couldn’t find them. Now I have them for future reference. 🙂 These words hit me right in the mind with their simplicity, yet deep, deep meaning.

Song: Cold Cold Heart
Writer: Hank Williams
Singer: Norah Jones

I tried so hard my dear to show that you’re my every dream.
Yet you’re afraid each thing I do is just some evil scheme
A memory from your lonesome past keeps us so far apart
Why can’t I free your doubtful mind and melt your cold cold heart

Another love before my time made your heart sad and blue
And so my heart is paying now for things I didn’t do
In anger unkind words are said that make the teardrops start
Why can’t I free your doubtful mind and melt your cold cold heart

You’ll never know how much it hurts to see you sat and cry
You know you need and want my love yet you’re afraid to try
Why do you run and hide from lies, to try it just ain’t smart
Why can’t I free your doubtful mind and melt your cold cold heart

There was a time when I believed that you belonged to me
But now I know your heart is shackled to a memory
The more I learn to care for you, the more we drift apart
Why can’t I free your doubtful mind and melt your cold cold heart

Wow! That’s deep!

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Note: This post will be in Afrikaans, because it deals with the deep words of a song that is written in Afrikaans. I always heard the song as a theme song for a popular South African series, but only recently when I bought a CD that has the entire song on it, have I really listened to the words. If you do not understand Afrikaans and are interested in reading what I have said, kindly contact me, and I will do a quick translation for you. My comments indicate what these words mean to me as a person.

Liedjie: Binnelanders
Sanger: Jak de Priester

Buite in die strate
Bars Jakarandas uit hul nate
En alles lyk van ver af so gesond
Maar in die gange is dit wit
Is dit blink en baie stil
Almal sluk vanaand ‘n bitter pil
Almal sluk vanaand ‘n bitter pil

En daar’s ‘n engel teen die mure
Wat van alles eintlik weet
Al lyk dit op die oog af
Of jy van die vloere af kan eet
En Dokter, luister nog ‘n keer
Of jy my hartklop wel kan hoor
Iewers het ek my hart op jou verloor
Iewers het ek my hart op jou verloor

En hoe kan ‘n vuur uit die woede geblus word
Hoe kan die liefde hom red uit die dood
Hoe kan ‘n hart wat al lankal vertrap is
Weer gered word uit die nood
Hoe kan ‘n tong wat uit lewe gemaak is
Later weer sag word soos ‘n lam
Hoe kan ‘n bitter pil weer soet wees
As ek jou net eenmaal kou
Maar buite in die strate
Bars Jakarandas uit hule nate
En alles lyk van ver af heel gesond

Van buite af lyk jy altyd in beheer. Die samelewing verwag dit van jou. Maar diep binne in jou, warrel wilde orkane van emosies; hartseer; pyn rond. Maak nie saak hoe goed jy dit uiterlik hanteer nie, daar is altyd iets binnekant wat gedokter moet word.

Soos ‘n bekende skrywer eens gesê het: “Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.”

Ons is almal slagoffers van groepsdruk op een of ander tyd in ons lewens, op een of ander manier. Die groepsdruk om altyd in beheer te wees. Ek bedoel nou nie mens moet “crack” vir elke klein dingetjie nie, maar mens moet nie die verbintenis met die realiteit verloor nie! Jou emosies is wat jou mens maak. Wees mens. Dit is soms goed om iemand te hê wat na jou luister as jy hartseer (of gelukkig) is. As meer mense praat en meer mense luister, sal daar minder tragedies (selfmoorde, gesinsmoorde, misdaad…) wees (net my beskeie opinie…).

Een van die mooiste dele van die liedjie handel oor die hartklop in jou en die verlies van jou hart. Hoe kan dit nog daar wees as jou hele hart vir iemand anders gegee is? Maar die hart is ‘n wonderlike ding. Hy laat nooit toe dat iemand hom geheel en al vat nie, en hy groei weer, al is daar net ‘n stukkie DNA oor. Daar is lewe na seerkry – onthou dit altyd! Met die woorde wonder ek of die skrywer nie sinspeel op ‘n suggestie dat meeste mense se grootste probleme emosioneel van aard is nie?

Dis so maklik om kwaad te raak en in woede te ontplof, maar as mens kalm bly gaan jy minder mense seermaak en ook jouself baie minder emosionele pyn veroorsaak (as jy met dit deal).

Indien die liefde van jou lewe opbreek met jou, voel jy dat die liefde nie weer gered kan word uit die dood nie. Maar hou moed! Die liefde sal weer blom. Die pyn sal weldrae verbygaan, en jy sal iemand nuuts ontmoet, en agterkom dat die vorige persoon nooit eintlik vir jou bedoel was nie.Mens wonder altyd wat jy verkeerd gedoen het indien iets nie uitwerk nie. Het jy iets verkeerd gedoen? Miskien, miskien nie. Kon jy iets anders gedoen het? Miskien, miskien nie. Wat was die impak op ons verhouding oor ek “dit” gedoen het? Wat van as ek eerder “dit” gedoen het? Dit los egter die twyfel in jou gedagtes van “As ek maar net ‘n tweede kans kon kry, sou ek dit gemaak werk het…” Maar dink jy regtig so? Die skade is reeds gedoen, en as jy dit nie die eerste keer reg gedoen het nie gaan daardie persoon heeltyd skepties wees teenoor jou. Dit sal ‘n wonderwerk van jou, en absolute geloof in jou van die ander persoon verg, om die tweede keer te laat werk. Maar dit is nie ontmoontlik nie.

Ja, ons hou almal ons front voor. Niemand mag tog weet ons bloei aan die binnekant nie. O, die absolute swakheid! Ai…

What do you miss the most?

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When asked by someone you once dated what you miss most about that person, it is frowned upon if you say that you miss the physical intimacy most. Usually you will say something like you are missing the conversations. You are missing the fun you have had at the ice rink. You miss the dancing.

In a previous post I said I missed the dancing the most. While that was close, I do feel I have to change my mind. I miss the physical intimacy the most. Hmmm. Let me explain why. During times of intimacy is the only time she lets her guard down completely. She gives herself fully to you. She knows she is being taken care of and she lives herself into the moment. Well, at least that has been the case for me mostly. Maybe you are not so lucky (or unlucky, depends on your view…).

So – next time someone asks you what you miss most, think carefully.