Is romance dead?

I had an earlier post where I said that romance is a key ingredient to any successful relationship between lovers. But I am starting to wonder if I am not too romantic. Is there such a thing as too romantic? If you believe the girls I have tried to date, probably yes.

With my previous love, I made a mistake. I moved in too quick. I rushed things. E., I am sorry. I messed up something great for both of us. But, what happened last night baffles me. I am truly amazed. I went on my first date since E. and I broke up. Me and this lady friend C. had a wonderful time talking on the phone and texting each other. There were even hints that we liked each other, but it was only subtle hints, such as “I can not wait to see you” and things like that. Nothing serious.

So – last night was this date with C. We went to watch Rugby. Her brother is playing for the first team of their local club. True to my romantic self, I bought her flowers. No, not red roses. No, no romantic card dictating my ever burning love to her. No, I did not even give her a kiss when I gave it to her. I have not even held her hand once during the entire evening (maybe that was the mistake? Not holding hands?)

At one stage it was starting to be really cold (it is Winter in South Africa, and I have some sort of cold or flu…) so, I said that I want to go sit and watch the game from inside my car (I had a prime parking spot next to the field, so we do not miss any of the action) but she did not want to come and wanted to stay with her friends next to the cold field, so I went alone. Another situation where I think I showed her that I am not attached to the seam of her dress, so to speak – I do my own thing, and she can join me if she wish or not if she does not want to.

After a while though, I thought I would text her to find out if she thought I was rude for leaving the side of the field to go to my car. She responded, but not with an answer. Her response was: I am going to be really honest with you. I do not feel the same about you as you feel about me. There can be nothing between us. And I was like WTF? and responded with That is okay. You are nice and all, but I also think there is something missing. Just out of curiosity, how do you think I feel about you? No response. I went out to the field again in the cold and stood next to her and her friends and watched her and her friends’ reactions closely. Trying to figure out what sparked that kind of text message from her – maybe some group pressure from her friends? (Am I just being paranoid now?) I could not see anything in particular that was out of place, so I continued watching the last 15 minutes of the game next to the field, and said goodbye to her friends and her, and asked her to walk with me for a bit.

I asked her again what I asked in the text message. Again avoiding the answer. So I gave her the answer: I am not in love with you, but I think there is potential for us to be together over time. Good answer, right? Wrong? Maybe. I do not know.

On my way home from the game, she sent me a message, and her message was something in the line of Sorry about what I said. I was just caught off guard with the flowers. Sleep tight. Now this can mean many things. Sorry about saying at she does not feel the same way I do, supposedly, or does it mean sorry for ever saying anything to hint that she actually may like me. I do not know, and again, she is avoiding the topic. Some people deal with problems by ignoring them. It is an effective tactic in some cases, but does not work all the time. Will it work this time? Perhaps, because I really can not be bothered with trying to sort this misunderstanding out – our friendship is way too young to take so much investment from me if she can not be honest with me.

So – where does the subject of this post come in? It comes from this response of hers. I was just caught off guard with the flowers. While I agree that sending flowers in its most basic form (no card with nice words, no ceremony in handing them over) is a romantic situation of some kind, but that is really mild. I opted for some imported flower from Madagaskar of some kind together with some blue Irises, pink cellophane and lime green ribbon. Bright colours, but nothing indicating burning love. If anything, I stayed away from a lot of red, the colour of love. So – if this simple gesture caught her off guard, I assume that she is not used to receiving flowers “just because”. How sad.

And this is why I ask if romance is dead? Are males so unromantic these days that women gets frightened when a man is even mildly romantic? Us men have only ourselves to blame if my hypothesis is true. If my hypothesis is NOT true, on the other hand, what could it be? Drop my a line if you have an answer for me, please, and I will post your response here. I have disabled comments because I like to have my posts out there for a few days so that I can think about them myself first… 🙂 To contact me, use the contact link in the navigation bar.

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