Everyone knows it, but nobody applies it. Some motivational speakers keep telling people this at almost any chance they get. If everyone knows it, then why does nobody apply it? Especially if applying it meant that you will feel a lot better? What am I talking about? I am talking about the fact that someone can only have as much power over you as you allow them to have.
I have recently been through a rather nasty breakup, which, according to her, was actually very good until I asked some bad questions (imagine that. A good break up? Is there something like that? Maybe for the one doing the breakup, but not for the one at the receiving end…). Yes, the questions were bad. I admit to that. But since then, I have tried profusely to make it up to her to at least have a friendship with her. She is giving me the silent treatment. The quieter she becomes, the more I try to apologize. The more I apologize without getting a response (heck, even a picture message of her middle finger would make me feel better…) the more desperate I became to get her to forgive me about the blatantly rude questions I asked about the breakup and her motivations for it.
This is where this whole power thing enters the arena. Someone can only have as much power over you as you allow them to have. I have now decided that I am DONE apologizing. I am sorry for what I asked, but I am now done. It is now up to her to either accept the apology and we can be friends, or she does not, and we never see each other or talk to each other again.
What this means for her is that she loses someone who will stand by her through all of the troubles of life. She loses someone who will always be there to talk to, no matter the time of day or night. What it means for me? I lose a good friend. I lose someone I really have a connection to. I lose someone who captivates me with her smile. But that is okay, for I have tried to make peace. I have apologized over and over. I have revoked that power she had over me to make me feel bad all the time. She does not have that power over me anymore. I have apologized, I am done.
Of course, if she comes round, I will gladly take her back into my life as the best friend I have lost through all this, but until she does her part to restore this, there will be nothing from my side. Nada. Zip, Zilch. Zero. Comprende?
In summary – do not give someone that much power over you to make you miserable indefinately. After a fair effort to rectify what you did wrong, simply make peace with it, and move on. Yes, not easily done, and I will probably fail a few times while I get used to this, but I am sure as heck going to try.