Dealing with the loss of love: the substitute

Disclaimer: Most of my posts have disclaimers nowadays. Haha. Well, anyways, the disclaimer here means simply that if this is not done correctly, it can backfire on you. Always consider the feelings of the other person involved, and be true to your own feelings and honest to yourself and your friend before trying this techique. It is important however, that you are only in a platonic relationship with this person, so that this does not create false illusions of romance or deceive your friend. If the other person feels romantically inclined towards you, this can damage or totally ruin the friendship, and should not be done! So – it is better to be honest with this person to tell him or her your intentions. This technique works for me, and may or may not work for anyone else, so do not hold me to this! Here goes…

I have found, besides anger (as described in the post directly below this one), that there is another way to deal with the loss of your lover: a substitute lover. No, this does not mean lover as perceived from the name I have given this tactic. It is not a real lover. It is also not a rebound girl. I am not talking about getting a lady of the trade either. What I am talking about is to get someone to do things that lovers usually do together, with one exception – remove the physical intimacy part.

How do you do this? Ask your substitute lover to go walking in a mall with you or go eat out at a romantic restaurant. Do silly lover-things such as smelling perfume testers, or eating by candle light, hook arms while you laugh or chat, or whatever, to simulate that you are with a lover. This will partially fill that void by the lover that has departed.

Another positive thing that may come from this approach, is that in time, as you heal from your current loss, this friendship of yours may bloom into a real intimate relationship, since you are doing a lot of more-than-friends things with this person and really get to know this person in another way that you usually will not.

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